


Dan Vs Homestuck

by wonderminterplus



Category: Dan Vs., Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe, Crossover, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-06-27
Updated: 2012-06-29
Packaged: 2017-11-08 17:24:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/445647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wonderminterplus/pseuds/wonderminterplus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If the Homestuck world wasn't confusing enough, suddenly there are trolls from another timeline involved that shouldn't even be in the game. And some hidden force is at the keyboard. Dealing with the new trolls will be hard enough. But who's pulling the strings now?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Be Dan

**Author's Note:**

> Yes. This is a Dan VS/Homestuck AU crossover with the Dan Vs cast as trolls.

Your name is DAN. Just Dan. No six letter name junk for you. Theres better shit on the planet to worry about. Namely that it’s about to end. But you can come back to that later. Not weaseling yourself out of a introduction so easily.

To restate, you are Dan. You are a fucking Highblood and damn well act like it. Trolls fear your mean disposition even though you hardly tower over others unlike most of your other highblood brethren. You had the luck to be on the short side.

But you make up for that with your Crowbar kind Strife Specibus. So yeah, you’re a pretty big deal. Tell that to your Kismesis though. But forget her for the moment. Sounds like Chris is pestering you. A lot. He must really need to talk to you.

Of course you take your time, stepping over you cat lusus Mr.Mumbles and waiting a couple of minutes before clicking the pester window. As expected friendlyMuncher (aka, Chris) is frantically pestering you.  
FM: Dan?

FM: Dan answer me!

FM: This is really important! Please answer!

Okay, enough of that. You (your handle is jerksRetribution by the way) reply.

===> Reply to Chris

 

JR: I’m here! Don’t freak out. Geez. What’s wrong?

FM: What did you DO!?

JR: You’re going to have to be more specific there.

FM: Fine. What did you do to send giant,flaming rocks flying down towards us from space?

JR: Huh?

===> Dan: Look out your window.

You peer out your Hives window. And of course you see said giant,flaming rocks heading down towards your planet.

JR: Impressive. But I didn’t do it. And why do you automatically assume I did it?

FM: Because I never know with you.

JR: I should find that insulting. But I’m actually proud you think it’s possible I’m able to send down flaming rocks.

FM: Okay... so it’s not you then?

JR: Sorry. But no.

FM: Crap. This means we’re going to all die. Aren’t we?

JR: Probably.

FM: I don’t want to die!

JR: Not exactly giddy at the idea myself. I still have shit to do!

FM: Do you think Elise knows?

JR: Probably not or I would have heard from her. I’ll pester her.

===> Elise: Be Elise.

 

You are now Elise. At the moment you are busy polishing your Katana kind Strife Specibus. You have quite a few Strife Specibus’s laying around really. Fighting is a way of life after all and you want to be prepared. Though if those fail you you’re pretty good with your fists and legs. You are one bad ass teal blood.

Your Kismesis is pestering you. Great. Just what does that jerk want?


	2. dancingShadow: Answer your pester

DS: What now, Dan?

JR: Don’t give me that tone missy!

DS: I can use any tone I like. We both know you don’t scare me.

JR: I should.

JR: If I really wanted to I could kick your ass!

JR: Only reason I don’t is because I have better things to do.

DS: Uh huh, that’s the reason. There better be a better reason you pestered me then this. I can verbally and physically smack you down when I’m not busy.

===> Dan: Gripe about your Kismesis to Mr.Mumbles.

“Gahhh! Sometimes she drives me up a wall!” you shout to Mr.Mumbles. The rather small and scraggly Lusus only looks up at you and makes a mewling noise. 

Supposedly whenever Mr.mumbles mewls a fairy dies. You don’t know if thats true and you don’t care enough to find out. Especially now as you need to get the upper hand on your pester with Elise.

So you go back to your pester.

JR: You know what? Fine! I was going to warn you about the flaming rocks but now you’ve pissed me off.

DS: Flaming rocks? What did you do!?

JR: What is it with other trolls assuming I did this? As I told Chris, it’s flattering. But well beyond my limits.

DS: Is Chris okay?

JR: Unless he died since the last few moments ago I talked to him, yes. 

It doesn’t surprise you that Elise is asking about Chris. She always does. You would be jealous if you weren’t one hundred perfect sure that you and Elise were so very in the black quadrant together. So it doesn’t really bother you.

Besides, Chris would never betray you like that. Right?

 

===> Chris: Search for food.

You are Chris now. And you are searching for something to eat. Yes. You know the world is ending. But at least you’ll go out full. It doesn’t take you long to find something and soon you’re snacking down on some junk food. 

In general you’re a pretty friendly olive blood. Yes, even though you and Dan have a weird sort of Moirallegiance going on. Freaky but true. And even though Dan really doesn’t seem to be giving his all most of the time for this Moriallegiance he do your best.

Which makes you feel really bad about the fact that you really, really like Elise. Something that you would never tell anyone.

But, not like that’s ever going to come up at all. Nope, it’s not.

===> Dan: Be pestered by someone else.


	3. Dan: be pestered by someone else

Someone else is pestering you. One glance and you see it’s HIM. Well, you assume it’s a him. You’ve never actually met the troll on the other end of the handle vengefulCounterfeit so you don’t actually know if they're male or female. But pronouns used before suggest male.

Not that it matters. Male or female you’re going to punch their bonebulge in if you ever find them. This guy has a tendency of stealing your pesterchum handles, among other information. Let’s not forget the fact he gives up a creepy vibe and keeps pestering you.

You’ve blocked him so many times but he always finds some way around it. Chris jokes about the guy wanting a blackrom with you. You sometimes wonder if that’s true. But you don’t dare ask. Part of you really doesn’t want to know.

VC: Hey Dan.  
VC: How you doing?  
JR: Not you! I don’t need this right now. Piss off!  
VC: No need to be so angry. You know, you really should learn to control that temper of yours.  
JR: I said piss off!  
VC: Now see right there. Not the proper way to talk to other trolls. You need to work on your social skills.  
JR: Like I actually care what you think.  
VC: Well you should. My advice is actually pretty sound. Certainly more sound then Chris’s. And oh yes, Elise has good battle advice but she’s not exactly my level of clever.

How dare he insult your kismesis? That’s your job! Wait... how does he know their names? You have NEVER divulged any information about Chris and Elise to this jerk.

JR: How do you know Chris and Elise?  
VC: Oh, I have my ways.  
JR: What are you doing? Stalking me?  
VC: Among other things.

You feel your blood run cold for that moment. He really is stalking you! You look over your shoulder for a few moments before going back to typing.

JR: Who are you!?  
VC: I can’t tell you that Danny boy. That would spoil the game.  
JR: Game?  
JR: What game!?  
VC: You’ll figure it out. What you lack in deductive skills you make up for in tenacity. A word of advice though. Find a transportilizer. Would rather you not die so early in the game. On that note.  
VC: Game on Dan. Game on.

===> vengefulCounterfeit: Be vengefulCounterfeit

You smirk. You’re sure Dan is pissed and if just a tiny bit frightened now.If only Dan knew just what you looked like. He would know he had more reason to fear.

And if only he knew what was about to go down. But oh well, seeing his face will have to wait. You have a few things to do before you get to your own transportilizer.

===> Dan:Try blocking vengefulCounterfeit... again.

“What do you mean action denied!?” you cry as you try to block that stalker again.

After trying to block him ten more times you are least try to delete his name off your contacts. No go. You are denied that as well. You slam your fist on your desk, frightening Mr.Mumbles.

“This is shit!” you cry.

Wait... what’s this other name on your contacts list? carcinoGeneticist? Who the shit is that? You’re going to find out.


End file.
